So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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