At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
