once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
