yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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