he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
