Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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