If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
