I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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