I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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