my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
my vag is so smooth its legendary
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
