YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Randomize
