Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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