She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
How naked do you want me to be?
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