New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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