Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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