nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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