you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
