Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
