You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
