Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
