thus making me awesome and them whores
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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