dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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