this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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