She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
