Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
