I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
