u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
