Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
