New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
