Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
