My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Two words: blizzard sex
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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