I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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