My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize