is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
