I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
