shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It's never too late to be topless.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
