Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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