dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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