I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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