Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
