This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
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you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
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Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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