Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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