Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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