Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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