I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I faked an abortion last night.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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