i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
