What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
