If that was your dad, he is hot
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
