and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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