Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
