I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
