she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize