She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
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