i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
