I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
