Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
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I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
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If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I AM VODKA MAN
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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