I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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