Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
nutella sex= disaster
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
