well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
