dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
