Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize