can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
