She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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