Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
