There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
