where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
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Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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