Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
