I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
