you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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