I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize
