Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
