While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
