After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
bring money and cleavage
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
