If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
