He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
