Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
