New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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